Thinking about stuff..

I was wondering about everything. You know, just taking some time to sit down and think about life. Well, I was thinking about what Lelah said. She was talking about her and some dude named Brady were in love or some of that crap. I told her I don't think I'll ever fall in love, and she said she thought that too. So I started thinking over that. Then I came to the conclusion. I'm going to shut the word love out of my life. No ones ever going to BE in my life like that with me anyways. I don't want them to. Deep down, I've thought about it. But I wont ever admit that. I don't need some boy to hold me down and keep me from doing what I want like I'm some object they own. The only person I really need is myself. At least, that's what I keep telling myself...

La Push Beach

So today I took a drive and went to the La Push beach. I was having a little fun by myself, until of course something ruined that. Jared came, and I was fine with that. He's an okay guy. We started talking, and I was telling him how I didn't have much to do in this stupid place. I told him everyone I met, including Austin. Of course he thought Austin was a boy.. but I told him she was a girl. He told me, "Why don't you go out and make some friends?" And that was the wrong thing to ask. I try to make friends, and I don't fit in. Not my fault I'm different. When I was growing up my mom always told me being different was good. No one acts like it is to me though. So I told Jared I wasn't good around people and he asked why, then I muttered something and he asked me what I said. I lied, duh, and said I didn't say anything. I'm usually good at lying, but it was pretty obvious I said something. Well he wouldn't stop annoying me about it so I got really ticked, got up and kicked sand in his face and then ran off crying. I didn't look back to see if he said/was saying anything, I didn't want to. I knew moving here was a bad idea. It was a bad idea. A real bad idea. But guess what? I'm stuck here.

Well this is.. different?

Yeah, I guess I'm not alone anymore.

I met some freak named Jared. Well don't get me wrong. He's nice and all, just a little too nice for me. But I had fun hanging out with him and his friend Lily. It was cool. We went cliff diving. Then I left and changed behind a tree, ha. I went to the park and met a girl named Austin. She's so cool. I barely even know her but she seemed to.. connect to me. Not in a weird way, like in a close way. I'm going to call her once I can, we exchangd numbers. I hope everythings goes well with this, 'cause I usually suck at socializing. Oh, did I forget? I took my first smoke today. Don't really think I'm gonna do that again. Just think of what my mom would say if she saw that. And my dad. Boy would I feel guilty. I already do. I wonder if Austin's parents are chill with her doing that.. I wonder if she likes it. Ugh, so much questions.

Annoyed much?

Annoyed? Oh, that's how I feel. This place is so lame. Plus it brings back way too much memories! Ugh. And I know NO ONE here. I actually had a good friend back in Chicago named Sam. Gosh, do I miss her. We still email and stuff, but it's not the same, ya know? I wish we didn't have to move. I act like I'm happy in front of my parents. Why wouldn't I? They've been good to me all these years. So like I said I DON'T like the town at all. But I'll stop complaining.. for now.